Mother and Child

Mother and Child
Painting by Pablo Picasso

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Open Adoption, Open Lies...

Ok, I have been reading a whole lot about open adoption...tons in fact and the one thing that I don't get is this bs about it being better.

Who is it better for? Let's consider it.

First, open adoption leaves a wound totally out there in the wind - not healing, never even scabbing over. The child is confused by the two mommy deal - but not unloved....hmmm....

Then there is the fact that no open adoption contract is legally binding - anywhere! When a mother and father sign those relinquishment papers - it is over...period.

I have read things like wouldn't the parents want an open adoption, then they would have control - excuse me? what control? You get nothing but a few pictures and usually a closed adoption the moment you question any parenting methods or behaviors that are upsetting. And, honestly, adoptive parents often use the "open adoption" lure to bring in the young mothers - only to slam it shut at the first opportunity.

Then there is the foolish belief that mothers only want an open adoption so that they don't present as a monster - huh? We are monsters, according to a lot of adoptees and almost all of society, in the first place...we gave up our child. There is nothing there that is redeeming. All those lies that adoption professionals tell us about how it is the "right thing to do" are just that - lies. We are vilified throughout our lives and by people that have no clue why they think we are bad people. So kiss that stupidity goodbye.

Oh, I like this one ....The mother just doesn't want the responsibility. While I know there are women out there like that, the truth is more that we aren't allowed to want the responsibility. For you adoptees...especially those that are under 25....ask your parents how much input they had, did they ever tell your first mother that it was the right thing to do, or if they ever heard that said in connection with a first mother...If they tell you "no" - they lied. Those are the words that are used from the moment anyone knows that you are pregnant...

"you won't be able to go to college" "no man will want you" and believe me, I heard that over and over and was not even allowed to date because it might make a liar out of the social workers. (The removed her father from the picture quit easily, promising him a job that would support his family). Oh then there is the "you know that it will never be an issue...someday you will meet your child and see that you did the right thing...."

Lies drip as easily from adoptive parents lips as they do from social workers and other adoption professionals.

The facts are simple:

Once the signature is on the paper, it is filed with the court and the statutory limitation has run - you have no rights, you will never be anything to the child at least not the way you should be, and most of all, the rest of society will look at you like you grew a third nose and fifth eye.

People wonder why some women never face it - can you imagine what it was like for those that were told these lies and whose vulnerability was so great that they believed them? I doubt it...

People - open adoption is a myth. It is a lie told by liars to obtain a product - your baby. Just like the social worker showing up at your door with some vague report about something...then taking your children - they don't have the right and you should tell them to bugger off...then call an attorney. Because these thieves never stop until they get what they want.

1 comment:

  1. The joys of greed and the adoption industry.


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