Mother and Child

Mother and Child
Painting by Pablo Picasso

Sunday, September 19, 2010

My Adoption Story - Becca Ginley - The Real Story Of Open Adoption

 As for my adoption I was 19 when it happen my son is now 10 but they used a place on IL where I live this place is huge on secrecy it called center for family building, how sick right? But anyways the day I met with my so called "birth parent advocate" I was lied to, brainwashed, coerced basically they took my feelings and concerns and trashed them. Every time I had a concern about not being able to go through with it they would remind me they were paying for my apartment (parents kicked me out) and did i have the money to repay them? They also made me feel like I was scum for not being married telling me my son needed two parents with money.

They made adoptive mom call me often crying and telling me I was "angel" for giving her the chance to be a mommy. (They had another child she is African American they stated they "settled" on her cause they weren't sure if they would ever get a white child) Whenever she called me i felt like crap for doubting my decision.

 The birth parent advocate acted like my best friend and acted like she was truly worried about me and my son, she wasn't but she was a great actress. I was also. so I stated over and over again I would not go through with this unless it was fully open everyone agreed I was to have their full names address, phone number and pictures and letters every 3 months and visits twice a year meaning picnics, trips to the zoo etc with his adopters of course. Everyone agreed but with no contract cause in IL open adoptions are NOT legally binding.

Things started getting nasty the night I went into labor. I told the adopters they could be at the hospital but not in the room but yet  adopter mom forced herself into the room and the Dr because of this was an adoption didn't feel I had any right telling "soon to be mommy" as she repeatedly called the beast that she couldn't witness the birth of "her" son.

Thank god my best friend was also there. But throughout the night during labor she kept saying you better not be changing your mind this is costing us a lot of money and every time I screamed in pain she told me to shut up and be strong.  Finally, I gritted my teeth and said "you have no idea how much this hurts and you never will so sit down shut up and enjoy the effin show bitch" probably not the nicest thing to say but I was 19 a kid and going through labor without an epidural which I got later so I was entitled to my say. Anyways right after my son was born after i held him a nurse who I hadn't seen came in she looked at the doctor who nodded her head she went to give me meds in my iv and I started yelling I don't want any damn drugs what the hell are those??!!" the nurse something to help you relax and I was yelling objections but as soon as the needle hit the iv I passed out cold. I didn't wake up for 12 hours when I woke up the birth parent advocate was shoving papers in my hand saying sign these I asked what they were she said medical releases I groggily signed.  Nurse ratchet was standing there and the advocate said "I'm done" immediately the nurse shot me up again I was too groggy to resist. When I was totally off the drugs I started screaming I wanted to see my son I was told that if I didn't shut up and go home I would never see my 2 year old daughter again and I wouldn't be able to go home and I would be living on the streets. I snapped my mouth shut real quick.

When they came to pick him up from the hospital I was so sick with grief, I was sobbing throwing up horribly. The adoptwitch said this isn't the end its just the begining. The first 6 months everything seemed OK I got my pics and I had a p.o. box and cell phone I got my letter pictures phone calls and at 6 months I got my first visits as promised. I will mention they said for "legal reasons" I couldn't have their last names, address and phone numbers till after a 6 month period. 

Now this did seem hokey to me, but I was a dumb kid what did I know? not much that's for damn sure! At the visit the adopters were very on edge it was so clear they didn't want to be there especially when my son reached for me, yep that's right 6 months old and he remembered his momma. Adoptawitch claimed he was just a friendly baby who loved everyone uh hu sure sure.So anyways after the visit I said so see ya in march right?? Adoptawitch (Julie, but I don't think that's her real name) said sure whatever.

I tried calling shortly after the visit, about 2 days and their phone was turned off I went to the post office the P.O. box was closed!!! I later found out the adoption had finalized on that day. I called the agency livid furious ready to spit fire. I said WTF is going on?! She said the parents have decided that its in their sons best interest to not know about being adopted. Oh really! and what about my supposed open adoption? "NOT LEGALLY ENFORCEABLE"!!

Now whenever I want pictures I have to fight with the agency to the tune of calling all the time going there causing a scene and sometimes if I'm extremely lucky I get a blurry picture! But its a far cry from what I was promised. I called the agency not long ago demanding pictures she said an I quote "I cant believe you haven't given up yet" I told her I will never give up. She stated most birth mothers give up by this time and let it go. Oh really!? Tobi, so this is a common practice for you? Well I don't intend to ever give up I will search for my son, I will find my son and I will tell him EVERYTHING. He's my blood, my child and he deserves to know the truth.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

"The Single Story"

Today, on one of my favorite bloggers page, I found this comment with regard to the single story fallacy that creates stereotypes.  In this video, the speaker tells of how a story, told many times, creates stereotypes and how power controls that. 

I believe that this video directly defines the purpose of this blog - to give more than one side, one story to those that want to learn.

The Single Story - Chimamanda Adichie

Listen, think and can open your eyes to what is truly real.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

"What I Didn't Know 19 Years Ago" - By birthmomtalks

This is one of the most honest statements about what adoption does, is, to the natural mother of an adoptee.  It is a statement, simplistic and real.  Please read:

Please, remember.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Adoption Truth

This video gave me goosebumps. I hope every pregnant woman considering adopting out her baby really watches....