Mother and Child
Painting by Pablo Picasso
Sunday, November 20, 2011
[Birth Mother,] First Mother Forum: Thinking of Placing Your Baby for Adoption? Think very hard.
This is one of the most comprehensive statements of its kind. Please, read it if you are thinking of placing your child, or if you have placed your child for adoption.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
The Declassified Adoptee: I'm NOT Your Poster Child
The Declassified Adoptee: I'm NOT Your Poster Child
When people make choices for others, particularly when they make a choice that comes not from logic, but religion or emotion, bad things happen.
The adoptee that wrote that blog entry is probably the closest to the subject as you can get, without being a currently pregnant woman.
So, before you decide that you can make this choice for another - read on.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Sunday, September 4, 2011
The Declassified Adoptee: Engineered Obselecense: an Email from an Original Mom
The Declassified Adoptee: Engineered Obselecense: an Email from an Original Mom
The blog post above was truly interesting. In it, a mother talks about her real feelings with regard to adoption and finding out the truth about feelings that are portrayed. It talks about how we, the mothers, and all the parents/prospective parents involved are somehow more responsible for the need of the child to protect us.
This need often creates, at least it is my opinion that it creates a sense of anger and frustration within the adoptee over the "need" to be everything to everyone.
Maybe a bit could be learned by the writers words.... please, read on.
The blog post above was truly interesting. In it, a mother talks about her real feelings with regard to adoption and finding out the truth about feelings that are portrayed. It talks about how we, the mothers, and all the parents/prospective parents involved are somehow more responsible for the need of the child to protect us.
This need often creates, at least it is my opinion that it creates a sense of anger and frustration within the adoptee over the "need" to be everything to everyone.
Maybe a bit could be learned by the writers words.... please, read on.
Monday, August 15, 2011
[Birth Mother,] First Mother Forum: The Trauma of being adopted
[Birth Mother,] First Mother Forum: The Trauma of being adopted
The trauma of adoption, as described here, is something that we all need to look at. To see that trauma, described, quantified, explained is something that is rare. Please read.
The trauma of adoption, as described here, is something that we all need to look at. To see that trauma, described, quantified, explained is something that is rare. Please read.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
How Much Is That Adoptling Still In the Womb???
I came across this and I have no words. The only sound I heard coming from within me was grunting, choking sounds. I have no words.
http://apathoftheheart.blogspot.com/2011/06/updated-situations.html
http://apathoftheheart.blogspot.com/2011/06/updated-situations.html
Friday, July 29, 2011
Adoption Truth: Repeating His Words
This blog entry, for the most part, is a work done by an adoptee, published by his mother. It says a lot of things that a lot of adoptees say about adoption practices, and those that sell babies. I hope you will read on:
Adoption Truth: Repeating His Words
A lot of food for thought......
Adoption Truth: Repeating His Words
A lot of food for thought......
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Not all orphans are orphans.... not all parents surrender.....
Adoption from overseas is one of the hottest tickets in the adopt a baby arsenal. Most people who are waiting to adopt from out of country state that they believe the children to be in need of "saving" from horrible orphanages and a thousand other "horrible" fates. But the truth is far from being told. Today in the Caixin Weekly, a Chinese newpaper, this article was run: Family Planning Turns to Plunder
And this example is not the only one. There are numerous reports on baby stealing, adoptions of trafficked children that can't, for whatever reason, be returned home (see the reports of African and Indian children adopted by Americans that are known to have been stolen and now can't be returned to their families, supposedly to prevent them from living in poverty or because they don't know their native language or cultures).
Americans, and I am sure other countries, often make decisions to suit themselves. Never allowing for the facts of the acquisition of children to interfere with their desire to "grow their forever family," often at the expense of the children's home culture and real life families. This occurs in almost all nations considered "third-world" and particularly in non-western nations. Sadly, it is not because there is no information out there to tell the would-be adopter that they might be adopting a child from a parent that wants them, it is because the American and other "first-world' nationals choose not to look closely at anything that might not be what they want to hear.
It is time to require that there be no chance, regardless of nationality, that a child have a parent or family member that can care for them. Adoption should be restricted to those that really need homes... Not to homes that really want children.
And this example is not the only one. There are numerous reports on baby stealing, adoptions of trafficked children that can't, for whatever reason, be returned home (see the reports of African and Indian children adopted by Americans that are known to have been stolen and now can't be returned to their families, supposedly to prevent them from living in poverty or because they don't know their native language or cultures).
Americans, and I am sure other countries, often make decisions to suit themselves. Never allowing for the facts of the acquisition of children to interfere with their desire to "grow their forever family," often at the expense of the children's home culture and real life families. This occurs in almost all nations considered "third-world" and particularly in non-western nations. Sadly, it is not because there is no information out there to tell the would-be adopter that they might be adopting a child from a parent that wants them, it is because the American and other "first-world' nationals choose not to look closely at anything that might not be what they want to hear.
It is time to require that there be no chance, regardless of nationality, that a child have a parent or family member that can care for them. Adoption should be restricted to those that really need homes... Not to homes that really want children.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Adoption Reality - By Celeste Billhartz
To introduce Celeste, one must acknowledge her connection to adoption. Celeste is an adoptee. She works hard at telling the truth from the adoptee side with a focus on mothers.
Adoption Reality
©2007 and ©2011 Celeste Billhartz
A few months ago I got a photograph from a mother who visited with her daughter, in a hospital room. In the photo she is showing her the beautiful little christening gown she had saved, all these 40-some years, to show her daughter that she never wanted to "give her up" for adoption. The daughter blinked, "Yes" in acknowledgment ... her body frozen by ALS/Lou Gehrig's disease. My friend's other daughter took the photo and another daughter stood, nearby. They had come to say, Goodbye.
Not in the photo, but standing "guard" in the room, was the adoptive mother, who would not allow them a precious few moments of privacy.
Four months later, my friend's daughter died. At the funeral service none of the adoptive family, and none of their eulogies, acknowledged this natural family, sitting there, grieving ... and not one person offered condolences on their loss.
The lies in adoption are many. We all tell them, every day. It's all we know, all we have been told to say, all that is allowed. We pretend our sisters, brothers, cousins are, really, ours; they are not. We pretend we have traits inherent in our adoptive families; they are not our traits.
And, all our lives, we protect our adoptive families from the truth: We have our own natural families, our own sisters, brothers, cousins ... our own trails of traits, somewhere, reaching back to the ancients in our souls.
And, our natural mothers ... we wonder where are they, who they are, why did they "give" us away?? Not having answers, not "awake" to the reality of adoption coercion, many of us pretend. We believe they didn't want us or wanted something else more -- school, a job, etc.
And, so, we make new lives among the strangers -- not of our skin, not of our hearts. We doze; we pretend. All our adoptive lives, we pretend. And, because we believe we are lucky to have been adopted/wanted, we protect ourselves with happy faces and words of gratitude.
Eventually, we are old enough to be more curious than content, so we ask about our origins. The good strangers -- and there are many -- tell us what they know, show us the original papers with the original names we must see, offer any help we may need to find our mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, cousins, aunts and uncles. How odd; we are strangers to our kin and we love our strangers.
Still, we must reunite. First, for our mothers, and then for ourselves. We both are owed nothing less.
Unfortunately, some adoptive mothers refuse to help adoptees reunite with their natural families and refuse to be gracious, helpful and respectful to natural mothers.
The adoption world has convinced adoptive mothers -- and most civilians -- that Amoms are the saviours of millions of babies/toddlers whose own mothers/families couldn't or wouldn't care for them as well as Amoms can and that natural mothers don't deserve to care for them as much as Amoms do.
Rubbish.
Lawyers, doctors and adoption workers (many of them unmarried women who never had babies) have always taken advantage of young mothers instead of helping them. In closed adoptions of yesterday and open adoptions of today, all the players take advantage of scared young mothers. They count on their agreeing to "do what's best for the baby" well before the young women give birth, well before they know the powerful, undeniable, life-changing love they will feel for these little beings who slipped from their wombs and are, forever theirs, no matter what pre-birth agreements were signed.
These mothers -- millions of them -- are now "awake" ... and they know they were used by the indu$try to supply millions of infertile women (and today, single women) with babies.
Most of society doesn't know how devastating adopting is to young mothers. Most don't want to know, because they can't imagine being forced/schmoozed to surrender their own babies. They cannot imagine anyone daring to do that! They want to believe adopting is always -- and only -- in the best interests of the babies.
Truth is, adopting is a bu$iness.
When women stop paying big bucks to buy infants and toddlers, and when pregnant women are supported in keeping their babies, the bu$iness in adopting will dwindle, and babies will stay with their own families ... where they belong.
OK, you're an adoptive mother who is "waking up" -- now what?
• Help your adopted son or daughter know about his/her natural family. It isn't only a mother lost, but a whole tribe, a whole lineage, sides of two families, personality traits, physical traits, habits, health, quirks and talents. No more secrets. No more lies.
• If mother and child are planning to spend time together, don't stand in their way. Step aside. This is not about you.
• Let your conscience be your guide. You know right from wrong. Most of all, you know injustice when you see it.
In The Mothers Project, I tell the stories of the girl/mothers who lost their babies to adoption in past generations. The coercion continues. Adopting is woman's inhumanity to woman.
Adoption Reality
©2007 and ©2011 Celeste Billhartz
A few months ago I got a photograph from a mother who visited with her daughter, in a hospital room. In the photo she is showing her the beautiful little christening gown she had saved, all these 40-some years, to show her daughter that she never wanted to "give her up" for adoption. The daughter blinked, "Yes" in acknowledgment ... her body frozen by ALS/Lou Gehrig's disease. My friend's other daughter took the photo and another daughter stood, nearby. They had come to say, Goodbye.
Not in the photo, but standing "guard" in the room, was the adoptive mother, who would not allow them a precious few moments of privacy.
Four months later, my friend's daughter died. At the funeral service none of the adoptive family, and none of their eulogies, acknowledged this natural family, sitting there, grieving ... and not one person offered condolences on their loss.
The lies in adoption are many. We all tell them, every day. It's all we know, all we have been told to say, all that is allowed. We pretend our sisters, brothers, cousins are, really, ours; they are not. We pretend we have traits inherent in our adoptive families; they are not our traits.
And, all our lives, we protect our adoptive families from the truth: We have our own natural families, our own sisters, brothers, cousins ... our own trails of traits, somewhere, reaching back to the ancients in our souls.
And, our natural mothers ... we wonder where are they, who they are, why did they "give" us away?? Not having answers, not "awake" to the reality of adoption coercion, many of us pretend. We believe they didn't want us or wanted something else more -- school, a job, etc.
And, so, we make new lives among the strangers -- not of our skin, not of our hearts. We doze; we pretend. All our adoptive lives, we pretend. And, because we believe we are lucky to have been adopted/wanted, we protect ourselves with happy faces and words of gratitude.
Eventually, we are old enough to be more curious than content, so we ask about our origins. The good strangers -- and there are many -- tell us what they know, show us the original papers with the original names we must see, offer any help we may need to find our mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, cousins, aunts and uncles. How odd; we are strangers to our kin and we love our strangers.
Still, we must reunite. First, for our mothers, and then for ourselves. We both are owed nothing less.
Unfortunately, some adoptive mothers refuse to help adoptees reunite with their natural families and refuse to be gracious, helpful and respectful to natural mothers.
The adoption world has convinced adoptive mothers -- and most civilians -- that Amoms are the saviours of millions of babies/toddlers whose own mothers/families couldn't or wouldn't care for them as well as Amoms can and that natural mothers don't deserve to care for them as much as Amoms do.
Rubbish.
Lawyers, doctors and adoption workers (many of them unmarried women who never had babies) have always taken advantage of young mothers instead of helping them. In closed adoptions of yesterday and open adoptions of today, all the players take advantage of scared young mothers. They count on their agreeing to "do what's best for the baby" well before the young women give birth, well before they know the powerful, undeniable, life-changing love they will feel for these little beings who slipped from their wombs and are, forever theirs, no matter what pre-birth agreements were signed.
These mothers -- millions of them -- are now "awake" ... and they know they were used by the indu$try to supply millions of infertile women (and today, single women) with babies.
Most of society doesn't know how devastating adopting is to young mothers. Most don't want to know, because they can't imagine being forced/schmoozed to surrender their own babies. They cannot imagine anyone daring to do that! They want to believe adopting is always -- and only -- in the best interests of the babies.
Truth is, adopting is a bu$iness.
When women stop paying big bucks to buy infants and toddlers, and when pregnant women are supported in keeping their babies, the bu$iness in adopting will dwindle, and babies will stay with their own families ... where they belong.
OK, you're an adoptive mother who is "waking up" -- now what?
• Help your adopted son or daughter know about his/her natural family. It isn't only a mother lost, but a whole tribe, a whole lineage, sides of two families, personality traits, physical traits, habits, health, quirks and talents. No more secrets. No more lies.
• If mother and child are planning to spend time together, don't stand in their way. Step aside. This is not about you.
• Let your conscience be your guide. You know right from wrong. Most of all, you know injustice when you see it.
In The Mothers Project, I tell the stories of the girl/mothers who lost their babies to adoption in past generations. The coercion continues. Adopting is woman's inhumanity to woman.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Ireland Needs A Wake Up -
I keep track of a number of blogs. Their authors interest me, the subject matter is real and open.... Today I read this ENTRY on the blog of an adult adoptee whose origins lay in Ireland. Her entreaty is heartfelt and wonderful. Please enjoy it - and remind Ireland to WAKE UP!
Monday, February 14, 2011
Oregon's Latest Battle - The Bill - HB29-4.
The The Declassified Adoptee discussed the House Bill (HB) 2904. In this discussion are some pro's and con's to the adoption/relinquishment issues that seem to overcome a lot of the mothers and their families.... It is important to realize that while the time tables are different state to state, the problems remain the same. Please take the time to read this and discuss the issues it raises and questions it answers
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