Mother and Child

Mother and Child
Painting by Pablo Picasso

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Not all orphans are orphans.... not all parents surrender.....

 Adoption from overseas is one of the hottest tickets in the adopt a baby arsenal.  Most people who are waiting to adopt from out of country state that they believe the children to be in need of "saving" from horrible orphanages and a thousand other "horrible" fates.  But the truth is far from being told.  Today in the Caixin Weekly, a Chinese newpaper, this article was run:  Family Planning Turns to Plunder

And this example is not the only one.  There are numerous reports on baby stealing, adoptions of trafficked children that can't, for whatever reason, be returned home (see the reports of African and Indian children adopted by Americans that are known to have been stolen and now can't be returned to their families, supposedly to prevent them from living in poverty or because they don't know their native language or cultures). 

Americans, and I am sure other countries, often make decisions to suit themselves.  Never allowing for the facts of the acquisition of children to interfere with their desire to "grow their forever family," often at the expense of the children's home culture and real life families.  This occurs in almost all nations considered "third-world"  and particularly in non-western nations.  Sadly, it is not because there is no information out there to tell the would-be adopter that they might be adopting a child from a parent that wants them, it is because the American and other "first-world' nationals choose not to look closely at anything that might not be what they want to hear. 

It is time to require that there be no chance, regardless of nationality, that a child have a parent or family member that can care for them.  Adoption should be restricted to those that really need homes... Not to homes that really want children.


  1. I agree with your post here. As someone who does sincerly want to give a true orphan a loving home, I am wondering if you can point me in a good direction for education in adoption ethics. I have been reading adoptee & first mother blogs & I hear statements like your last paragraph here. Now how do we go forward? What do you recommend?

  2. I don't even know where to begin.... well, first, why would you want to adopt? If it is because you want a baby, then you are in the wrong place. If it is to be a home for child that needs one... start with foster care in your own country -I am presuming US - because those are the children that actually do need homes.... require that the child be already legally free - meaning that the parent's parental rights have been severed before you ever see them..... And research. Make sure you know what the real deal is on the child. Make sure you know more than what is in the reports.... Mostly, make sure that you want to be there for a child, whether you actually adopt or not... because if it for any other reason.... you shouldn't even start.

  3. Lori,
    We are not seeking to adopt an infant. We do not require that we have a "healthy" child. We want to adopt, as I stated, because we want to offer a loving home to a true orphan. Or, in your words, be there for a child.
    We have looked into our own foster system & do not qualify as foster parents, due to our current home size/family size. Perhaps someday we will be in the right place to reach out to the local foster system kids.
    But right now, the place for us to reach out is oversees. There are true orphans oversees, too.
    I am seeking to research & educate myself as much as I can. I would like guidance in what avenues to take, in researching a child who is referred to you. Everyone says research, but I don't have any clue how. The only direction I have been pointed is people saying not to expect help from your agency.
    We are not yet paper ready to receive a referral. Perhaps once I know of the actual child, I will have a better idea how to research?

  4. Erin, while I see how you feel. The thing is, seriously, before you adopt overseas remember three things - Look at recent news regarding adoptions and ethics.... or you can look up first mother forum on here - I believe I have a link to them on my other blog - and they will have listed some countries that are absolutely corrupt and have been for some time. African, Asian and some of the old Russian republic countries are notorious for defrauding adoptive parents.... also, remember this, no matter what you want to believe, you are removing a child from their natural environment.

    Also, please note, if you aren't actually able to foster parent due to size or makeup of your home, then you may need to rethink your adoption plans for a time when those things have changed. Children from this country will share more in common with you and be more open to changes within that format.

    In all honesty, if you can't foster, I think you should wait. You are not too old and you have a lot of time to change things. Sometimes roadblocks are there for a reason.

  5. Erin, you asked for a way to research... follow this link and read the articles that are attached to it - it might help:

  6. Thank you, thank you, Lori!
    I do take to heart what you say about roadblocks sometimes having a good purpose. We have been working toward adoption for 4 years & I feel grateful for the learning opportunities of some of the road blocks we have faced.
    That being said, I don't think it is always a foster US system vs. international adoption. There are true orphans in both places. All of them are deserving of love & home.
    And I thank you for this link!!


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